Only This (excerpt)

THE INNER CHAMBER

Are we adrift? Is there no shore? Is it true that we are the creation of infinite anger? Do ancient words have power over us, or is it we who decide how to interpret? How many ways to see the same teaching?
There is “something” here. It is felt so deeply that most of us are unaware of its life within us. But it is not so that we cannot see, and this something is more than just within us.

This something is more than a sense, more than some indistinct presence, that cannot really do anything for us but watch as we struggle along our frightened way, whistling in the dark. The ancient words say that it is closer than skin. But then they say other things that make us afraid. This contradiction tears at us with fingers of old shame, nails dirty with the guilt of ages past.

We keep reading, trying to understand. But which is it? Are we damned, or blessed? If we cannot untangle this burden, then let us release it, and begin again.
Come. Rest here. For not only is there a shore, it is our home, and we never did leave it…and we never could. We can pretend we left it, and we do. We act as if we are separated from this something, which created us. Yes, we are created. We act as if we are also separated from ourselves, and from one another. But in truth, there is no “other”. And yet, there are many “others”, with different beliefs and from different religions, or no religion. But even those with no religion, who think they just popped out of nowhere, from nothing; they sense as well this something…this energy, this presence, this everywhere existent, called “God.”

Once we say that word, what is left? Do we cower, cover our nakedness, or do we see at last the reality behind the old legends of our Creator? No, be brave. So afraid have we been, but there is no need to fear.

God does not ask, “What have you done?” He knows His creation only as He created us. Does He think we are wicked? How could He think so, and Himself remain good? If His perfect creation does horrible things to his brother, how does God remain sane? How is there peace if even one soul burns? It is hard to see how on one hand, God has only one Son, but on the other hand, His Son has a brother. Hard, but not impossible.

In prayer and meditation we see these things. We feel the energy as we attract it and are part of it. There is only peace. Ego responds, “You mean there’s no love, no joy?” This is one of the many ways ego blocks us from our Father, our home. But these blocks are easily removed, because there is nothing to block us from everything that we are.

Our Creator loves us without condition. But in our fear, we continue to hide from that love; we forsake everything inside us that points to it, examine every root that offends the garden of our exit from sanity; but for each growth of His love that we dream we threw away, tossed upon the compost of our hiding, countless more will shoot through.

God knows what we are. He sees no transgression. He sees nothing that He has not created. Shame, sin, evil, form a many-threaded coat we have woven to cover our nakedness, and our dream world, in a universal denial of our “guilt”. This is how we keep our “salvation”; we hide our shame in the heart of the transgressor. If another can take our sin, then we are absolved. But none of this is so. Even buried in our hiding, we can still hear Him sing to us. Not a thing has happened to remove us from His love.

Why do we read truth, but still dwell in fear? Have we not had enough of fear? In the ancient word, we read that God is love. But elsewhere in the same text, we see that He is to be feared. Is this why we cannot trust? Let us come inside, then. What keeps our sight from Him? What makes us focus on evil, rather than reality? We are not two extremes, one human, one divine. God is love, so it is impossible for Him to be anything else; God is peace, so it is impossible for Him to be anything else. He created us whole, so why should we act as if we are shattered?

If we see a mark on our forehead, it is not from God the Father, but god the concept. God the Father has given us one thing: everything that He is. Here is the touch we seek. We seek it because we dream we turned from it. In reality, we could never turn from Him anymore than He could turn from us.
It is so that there is no honor in loving only those who are easy to love. We begin by loving ourselves. If we cannot love ourselves, how can we fully accept love from anyone else? After all, the other self is us. Here is honor. Here is the recognition of the other as us. What appears to tell us otherwise is a mask we wear to keep the other separate from us. Under this mask we continue to lie to ourselves…our self.

We might say, “These words are difficult to read.” But this is a cry from behind that mask of ego. How easy it is to remove a mask! Its “eyes” are but holes, the same as those in our skull. Our true seeing is infinitely greater. There is one sight, but countless variations of that sight; one light, but we hide that light under the glare of physicality. That is why the words are hard, why the road is hard, why we tell ourselves the light cannot be seen.

This dichotomy cannot stand. We simply are distracted, our awareness split between two “sides”, physicality, and spirituality. One is a projection of consciousness, a play of mind. The other is truth.
We are God’s Son. This is the meaning of, “We are one.” We are created of God, this is what makes us His Son. We are part of Him. Not the concept, but the truth of Him, what He actually is.

God did not create us in physical terms. He created His Beloved. His Beloved found that he could do wonders, the scope of his creativity endless…but somehow he became afraid, allowed a tiny thought of separation, and this world is the result.

But it is not a true result. It “lives” only to crumble away and die. How could that be life? There is more. We know there is so much more, because we continue, all of us…the dreamer.

Why should it be hard to find what we seek? We are looking directly at it. It is everything that we are, behind the mask. Now, the mask is nothing. We know it is nothing, because we continue. Age after age, century through decade, year to month, to day, to now, this moment. We remain. We have long held ourselves prisoner by illusion. Yes, illusion, that which has no validity, no structure, no life! But listen. It only has what “life” the dreamer gives to it. The power that projects the illusion is real. We sit in a theater, watching the images as they flicker. The images are illusion, but the technology that brings the images to the screen is real, in our terms.
We cannot change the images by going to the screen. If we do not like what we see, we must go to the source of the images. Go inside, be still, and be with your Creator, your God, whatever word you choose. Jesus Christ told all of us to go within. All. Not just those who meet certain criteria. All of us. Then no, we are not adrift. Many would and do, say that this is arrogance, but no. What is arrogant is to preclude some from heaven because they did not fulfill the demands of a god whose “love” is wholly conditional.

Then which is it? Are we created at arm’s length, given urges and longings that we scarcely understand, let loose to “Be fruitful and multiply”, only to be slapped down when we make mistakes?

Or is God truly everywhere present, as the atmosphere, in and through, and as, all there is? Which makes more sense, and which is more sane? Is it not so, that we tend to read more into the ancient words, than we get out of them? Do we not “decide” what the scripture “says”, more than try to understand it from the perspective that it has been translated and re-translated, interpreted, and re-interpreted, from one language to the next, over thousands of years? Is this not why there are so many religions?
My desire is to find Him. Not the concept, but the reality. Why not? How deep is our fear? Come. This must be shared. We already are one, we already are everything God created us to be. I gave this advice to a total stranger on the Internet, and she wrote back and thanked me, and said “It worked.” It worked!

I had told her the same thing I'm saying here. Go within, and be with Him. My desire is to drop all the analyzing, “God is this” against “God is that.” Where has that brought us, how has it healed us, and is it working?
Then what will work? What is left? Do we need another book? There are shelves and shelves of “spiritual” books of every type, from fundamentalist Christian, to New Age…why do we need another one? Everything is already in place, method after method, systems of prayer, and many ways to say the same thing.

“But as for you, when you pray, enter into your inner chamber and lock your door, and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees in secret shall himself reward you openly.” --Matthew 6-6: George M. Lamsa translation from the Aramaic of the Peshitta.

“Easy to say”, once more claims ego. I tell ego to get behind me, and I continue. I will not allow anything to get in the way of my being with God. “Simplistic!” Get behind me. “You'll burn in hell!” Get behind me.
It seems too complex, all the problems of the world. “How dare you speak of the real world as a dream…!” Get behind me.

Nothing can get in the way, for there is God and God’s Beloved. Only this. After leaving my inner chamber, I go to my job, and it is proven to me that this does indeed work, and perfectly…how else would perfection work but perfectly?

But I (we) never really left. Right now, as I write, I feel the energy build. I call it the Flow. It always “comes from” just back of my shoulders. It comes without judgment, except to judge me as part of selfhood, of every living thing. There is no wrath, no jealousy, only inclusion. One minute, I feel nothing, then I do feel it, am in it, as I know it never could leave.

No vengeance for “wrongs” committed in ignorance, with no reality, only images; no “love” based on my acceptance of doctrine that teaches fear. Only the disheartened could conceive of such a system. I know there is no such god; I know the Bible is used to “prove” or “disprove”, rather than to heal from dreams of terror; I know here in the chamber, my deepest heart, that I need not fight against anyone with differing belief, for I know I am one with them.

I am met with the result of my thought. I embrace my oneness with all, then I go “out”, and witness it.

Someone said to me, “You have a gift.” Yes, that is true. But it is no different than the single gift that God has given to everything created. Neither did He give all exclusively to Jesus Christ, leaving “you” and “I” as step-children.

Have we been healed all these ages, or do the same problems assail our perception of “reality”? What has a worldwide belief in an angry godhead done for us? Has it shown us that Christ is the symbol for who and what we are, that the shore is more than just in sight…it is our home, and we never left!



2
I KNOW NOTHING


What is there to know? How is it that I just sit and wait, and the words flow? The music I listen to as I write, how does it touch me so? It generates energy. This is the Flow.

I am still. All I know is what I sense deeply, here with “Him”: God, Father, Mother, Great Spirit, All That Is. Not all that appears, but All That Is. And yet, what appears appears by my (our) use of the power of All That Is. Our focus too great, our claim to be on our own too deeply held, until He faded from sight…yet never gone, loving us so deeply that He “left” us a voice to guide us home, as we slept in His arms…His very heart.

Now hear ego wail, but before it can speak a word: “GET BEHIND ME.” Get thee hence, spirit of the dust, snake in the tree, weak and false tempter of God’s Beloved. I know nothing but Him.

Brave words? A whistle in the dark, cold wind through naked branches, each step a little quicker, through the back alley of my lack of faith? No, here is my calm knowing, as I know nothing; here is my sight as I see nothing; my listening as I hear nothing. Only this, only everything He has for me (us). Here. It is yours. Love only knows to extend. Come. Share in the unwrapping of a gift that never spoils, bask in a sun that never burns out. Come. We are one expressing as many, forgot the expression was a play of “life”. Come and see it was but a dream, our desire to be “someone” other than His Beloved. Come and ask if it is not so.

We are formless as breath, incapable of offending the One from Whom we are inseparable. We are points of light, perfectly lit by perfection itself; its imperative Divine, its holiness ours forever. It must express, do you see? It is everything that we are…why are we still not seeing?

If you hid your hand behind your back in the morning, would you spend the rest of the day looking for it? If God created you from nothing, how could He ever find you as eternally His, if He is everything, but you are nothing?
We are the dreamer, we are not being dreamed. Yes, fear drives us, but toward what horizon? When we arrive at that line in the distance, is there not another line? Is there not another hill, one more desert to cross, yet another sea to navigate…how much longer, in our terms of time? Now (the only “time” ) is everything we have. All our great knowledge has come to this, to accept joyfully that we know nothing.

Stop being afraid. God could not harm you. We can only harm ourselves, and even that is still just in dreams of being apart from Him, our Self. Yes, our Self. If God is everything that we are, then He is our true Self. Sense it. Keep your focus within, and sense the truth. Not enough to read of this, only see that it actually is everything we are in truth.

No separate deity, no mad sightless old thing behind the stars; only everything real. By realizing that we know nothing, we allow ourselves to be still enough to understand that in truth, we know everything! Because we are everything, do you see? Remember, it is not so that we cannot see.
Old tales of divine anger cannot pull me from Him. I remain. Long speeches made with long faces cannot dissuade me from the simplicity of His calling. But the courage of the faithful is courageous because it knows there is nothing to fear. I know that God is not angry, that God is not fear.
I know God is love. But is it enough to just know these things? Enough to continue in this back and forth of “human” and Divine?

Then what is enough? It is enough to go within. The more we go within, the more we see a connection between our being with God, and the “outer world”. I see it every day. I pray and meditate at night, then all the next day, I see a “new” world. People are different somehow. I feel the oneness, find it easier to speak to those around me, because I consciously recognize that oneness.

This is how I prove to myself that God is real. This is true knowing, that one meditates, prays, and then finds there is a result. Is this not what we seek? To look and see that we really are one? And one with everything? Everything real, you see.

What is real? The love is real. One night, several years ago, I was not feeling well, and as I sat in a chair in the living room, my great-aunt Theresa walked by and placed her hand on my feverish cheek, and without a word, left the room. Such a simple thing, but it was the love that spoke, without speaking. Oh yes, the love is real.

It is always enough to know that we can use this projection of physicality to communicate love. After all, if God is perfect love, and we are part of God, then is not love all there is? Is this not the only true teaching, that all religions seek to present to a world tired of trying to destroy itself? Beneath the dogma, the politics, do we not ultimately seek the same thing? Do we not pray for the same thing, to know love? Is hate not at its very core, a result of an acute lack of love, a cry for help?

Who are we that this “something” we call “God” and many other names, loves us unconditionally? No, most of the world does not see “His” love as unconditional, but places upon its image many layers of the sort of love based upon past deeds, and how we behaved, and did we worship “Him” correctly, and just enough…that maybe we might enter “His” kingdom?
Father, take this from me. Let it pass to my understanding that it never was. Let me heal from imagined sorrows. Let us now come to the still water, see God as “He” is. Let us, by accepting that we know nothing, find everything God has for us. Let you and I, let us all, find what we seek. Why can we not? Why can we not create a peaceful world? Why not speak to our neighbor, and see that one as us? For that is the case. That one is us, seen from a different perspective.

Everything is in place. Our home remains, and we remain as created. The dichotomy is nothing. What then, do we need to know? Why share in nothing when we are everything?
Come. True teaching is not based in fear, but love. Not in punishment, but guidance. Our knowledge secure, and that forever; our sight restored by our asking to see. Ask. Realize that you are the dreamer, and dream happily. By dreaming happily, you take nothing from anyone else, because there is no one else. Now hear ego shake the rafters! Cover your head as the ceiling begins to fall. Be still. We are one.

But that one is infinite. We are infinite. A scale just fell from our eyes. Why continue to be slave to the world we made? Get behind me.
I am not a body. I am created of All That Is. What I know, all know. This is our key. But then, the door has no lock. Then there is no need for a door. Then there is no need for ego. I want to learn how to remove the mask. I want to realize the depth of my oneness with you, with “Him”.
Is this an ambitious desire? Why? We already are everything we want to learn. This means there is nothing to learn! This is why we know nothing. This is why we know everything. A paradox? Yes. But only because we still look through, or into, a dark glass, darkly.

There is no paradox by itself, that we had not projected from our fear of being separate from “Him”, and from one another. Where is the peace in a god who keeps his knowledge away from his “son”? What kind of love would that be, shackled forever to a selfish deity, who created us just to keep us at bay with layers of mystery? There is no knowledge in such a mad state, a twisted and wrung out cloth from a “divine” liar, teasing us forever…his “beloved”. Soaked with human tears, this cloth that bears each name of each separated soul, robbed of their sonship.

I want to touch not a twisted rag, wet with sorrow and tattered by the impotent rage of six-billion tiny minds…I want to feel the hem of the garment of the Christ, for I am no step-child.
For the Christ is our symbol for the truth of us.

For love’s extending knows no persons, only one unending Self.
For how are we to heal, by continuing to hide our shame in another?
What knowledge led to that? Is it not fear that would bring shame, and the shabby esteem for a self bound to “laws” it wrote itself? I said only the disheartened could conceive of such. This is not knowledge, but the nightmare of one perfect Child, dreaming he fell away from his Father.

Darkness all around, he shakes in his bed, and cries for light. He forgot he is created of light. When are we going to stop being afraid? We hold what we call knowledge before us, a shield to ward off an enemy of our own design…it is a veil we battle.

Knowledge frees, never confines. To know is to just be. Be as we are, in truth, under the scales of this strange focus…this physicality. It need not be strange, this is our dream.


3. WE WHO DREAM.


Father, we stand to erase all differences, so that we are clear
to receive your light. We stand and declare your reality, hands
raised to the sky. Nightmares may storm the gates of our united
hearts, but still we stand. We who dream shout no more for the pull
of that which returns to dust, but dwell here with you, forever.
Amen.

I am still. I am part of “something greater”, which I sense always, but especially now, when I come into the chamber, and lock my door. I am part of the Son, the whole of creation.
Part of erasing all differences is finding the reality behind the words we use; realizing that words cover more than reveal. Ego will concentrate on the covering, while it is ours to focus on the revealing. We are the one dreaming, after all.

We who dream have many ways to see truth. Even that word, “truth”, is controversial. “Whose truth?” Do you see? Rest here, with me, with our Father. If you do not like the word “Father”, substitute your own word. As you rebel against a certain word, recognize this as ego blocking your sight from “Him”. Also, realize that I, writing this, am not above or below you, the reader, but am equal to you, as created. We are all teachers, we are all students.

When I write “I am still”, I am writing as all there is…everything created. I have learned that I can see both ego and reality; stand “between” them in a manner of speaking; I’ve learned that it is possible to keep this “balance”, because there is no balance between what is real and what is false. As A Course In Miracles teaches, “Only the truth is true.”

I sense the whole of all there is. I focus on it; breathe in through my nose, out through my mouth. There follows a realization that yes, I am one with all there is! Then I must be one with (what we call) God. This must be so. This is not intellect, but a calm knowing that, as Emerson wrote, “Lies in smiling repose.” I believe he was writing of God, and it is this I seek, and find, as I stand and declare that I can sense that repose. “Repose” does not mean “He” is taking it easy while the world suffers. It means that God knows “us”, all there is, only as “He” created us.

For me, this perfectly answers the question, “Why does God allow suffering?” If God is All That Is, it does not mean God is evil or allows even the tiniest creature to feel even the slightest discomfort, let alone create “man”, then sit back to test his faith, as man tortures his brother/sister/children. All That Is means, all that is real.

That projected image is not my experience as I come within. I am urged by, or through, this sensing, to declare that it is time we take another step, but within, to recognize this calm knowing.

We do not need another teaching, certainly not another religion. We need healing. But first we must understand that there is nothing from which to be healed. We already are everything we need. That is, in truth. Not what appears in this dream of being separate, but as we actually are. Here is that repose, that smile, subtle and calm, for God knows there is no need.

By stepping within, we are “entering” reality, not escaping it. I use quotes here, because we never left our reality, our home. There is no leaving, as there is no need for healing, for they both are impossible…again, because they are images. Images can be, and are, changed. But again, we do so by going to the Source, All That Is (real). Ego cannot tell us that if God is All That Is, He must be evil, and torture, and hunger, and war. Within, we see ego as it is: nothing. No-thing.

People think that good and evil constitute balance, that one cannot be without the other. By now, we know this is ego. I have seen joy on the faces of many babies throughout my life, before they had the chance to experience despair…peace as they slept, before they knew turmoil.

True balance is knowing that creation is creation, and image making (projection) is just that. The other extreme is chaos, not balance. For truth is not an extreme, but is as it is. It cannot be defined, and as we try, each word we use serves to further complicate our sight. So we remain still. There is no struggle here. Truth is seen, however. This is self-evident. We have but to pay attention. But then, at times, we are simply met with it, when it seemed we were not paying attention at all, but were going about our business of the day.

We who dream look to that far horizon, thinking we are a multitude of separate yet alike beings of flesh and/or a vague notion called “soul”. We look and wonder how to reach it, when it does become yet another line, and another. Is this where the despair comes from? Is this our stumbling block, our not-seeing-clearly, the seat of ego’s calamity?

And the voice does “come”. It is with us; it is everything that we are, in truth. Then all that appears must be behind that mask. Then All That Is must be our reality. What we thought was reality is illusion, and what we fear might not be true (a warm, welcoming, unconditionally loving Creator), is reality.

But that is why we go within, to see that All That Is is real. Here is our proof as we learn more and more of “Him”. It is not so that God is hiding; it is not so that God creates to test; it is not so that we are puppets; it is not so that we cannot see these things.

Another scale falls. Veil lifted, fog dissolved by that eternal sun. Yes, we are seen whole, not scattered. Ours is the heritage of the Son. What a waste to create us in physical terms, and send one individual to the world, call him the one and only son of God, and expect the rest of us to dance to that cosmic, magical tune; the divine implication that we must earn a heritage freely given to this one.

There is a thread of truth that runs through all teaching:
“What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow creature. That is the whole Law; the rest is commentary.” --Rabbi Hillel, first century. (Oxford Companion to the Bible).

I do not see this Golden Rule (“Do unto others”) as a warning, but as a blessing. I believe it tells us that we cannot harm another without harming ourselves. This because we are one. And it follows that we could not bless another without blessing ourselves. We are the same in truth. There is joy here, and we allow a wisp of nothing called “ego” to stand in our way of receiving that joy.

At the beginning of this chapter, I said that I am “part of” the Son. This does not imply that I do not receive the whole of my heritage, but that this “I” is the one dreaming. The Son is everything that we are, in truth. This bears repeating. Indeed, it commands repeating, for it is our cornerstone. Here is our balance point. Here, the core of our oneness, the whole of our garment, as we realize we are infinitely more than we think we know.

That is why I feel that we need to basically stop talking about it, and actually find it. We do not have to live as if monsters lurk behind every corner; we need no longer tremble in our houses, afraid to go out and speak our hearts to the world we make. I do not speak here of mindless chattering about how “happy” we are, but simply be. Be transformed by the renewing of our mind.

That is, to lift the veil. Ego wants to make everything complicated, because the more we bury our truth under layers of dogmatic analysis, the stronger ego’s hold on us. But it is the “grip” of a fist made of shadows.

“Our truth”. By this I mean who/what we are, underneath the veil. We already are that, and we know it. To me, this is a joyous thing! Joy without opposite. Here is our “within”. It has always been, will always be.

Rather than preclude one’s religious training, or heritage, the traditions of universal seeking, truth moves through all teaching, along with our Rule of Gold, as a thread of intention. Truth is all-inclusive (we are one, after all). We are, as one, saying the same thing. There is one teaching, and all teachings teach it.

Here is our “Something Greater”. We find it, tell ego to get behind, and experience this presence which is more than a presence. We have found it, and we know it was not lost, we were not lost…but forever “found”.
But let us now recognize that the world is not “outside” us, against which we must struggle in spite of our “good thoughts”, but is within our mind.

For Mind is all there is, the extension of the Reality of God. Let us know that thought is power, and all thought has its effect. “It was just a thought” is one more ego-block, but we already know, we have but to tell ego that we are in charge. This is our dream.

Every atom, molecule, the stuff of projected thought; the sense of faith, just beneath despair; that despair brought about perhaps by our propensity to go to the negative before the positive; each call for love as we know love, the reminder of our oneness; all this, and the hate we fear yet embrace…which turns out to be the loudest cry for love…yes all this just to say one thing.

It all speaks. We still think it is balance, this chaotic struggle between opposites: love and hate, fear and love, faith and tragedy. This back and forth keeps us from ourselves, and is why we dream, and cling to our humanness, because we fear there might be nothing else. But this one thing is why we come within. It is why we still hold doors open for strangers.

Here is our key. Again, not a new teaching, but an old idea whispered for all time (in our terms.) We hold the door because we are one, but more, because we intuitively know we are one. How could we not know, unless it were so? Through the stuff of projection, we still see.

Then this is my focus. The sight. Within the sight, I see the “other” as myself, which at first was uncomfortable, but with practice, I saw more and more clearly. It is, in our terms, a process…I am still working on it.

But working while knowing I am (we are) already “there”. In this way, we see the “process” can be enjoyed as a journey to the truth of us, as one.

4. THE NEVER-DONE.

Everything is either love or a call for love. Nothing is done alone, because no one is alone. The never-done has gone. As each step is taken, when the foot leaves the ground, where now is that step? It has gone, and what has gone was never there. The ego protests mightily against such "blasphemy" of its "laws." The body is still there. It marches forward, and the ego will not allow any thought that questions where the body, any body, has been, but only where it is, and where it goes. None of the world's roads lead anywhere, but the ego cannot afford to "allow" us to see that truth. When we begin to question the ego, we see it is nothing and nowhere. It had no power; its "power" came only from our alliegance to it. What is is eternal.

5. THERE IS NOTHING OUTSIDE ME.

Believing is a form of willing. The world I see is illusion, but my belief makes it real to me. Belief is a consistent, strongly held thought. Thought is of mind, and mind is of spirit. The world believes thought is nothing, and so it is the will of the separated Sons of God that it be so. But the will of separation cannot change our true Identity. We remain God's Son. God Himself wills that I do my will. Not as this little man with his little life, for God sees no ego. God wills I do my will as His holy Son. The little self I made cannot prevail against the Kingdom God has set up with His holy Son. The disheartened cry, "Blasphemy!" "Once more, my brother, look again and choose," says the sinless Son of God. I cannot hear both voices at once. I must choose which voice I will hear and follow.

What I believe, I will. In willing, I see, but what I wish for, I perceive, because I forgot to laugh at my tiny, vaporous idea that I could leave my perfectly loving Father, making of Him a legend of anger and vengeance.

But when I accept the One Voice, the One that speaks for God, illusions disappear. My amnesia is lifted, and I hear Heaven's Song. I had tried to be someone I am not, but I can never change Who I really am.

There is nothing outside me. I tried to make a will to substitute the One I thought I ran away from. But when I turned, hearing the Voice, I saw His Radiance, and He said, "Come home, my Son." What is the depth of nothing? Its width, weight, circumference?